I went through hell to learn the tools.

You don’t have to. Building a better life shouldn’t be a mystery.

I’d always had an idea of what my “best life” looked like. But it took a lot of misery to get there.

I knew that my life was over. I was 40 and lost my ability to work (I was a Software Engineer), my marriage, my ability to do the simplest tasks – like going to the grocery store.

The depression was absolute, and its totality awed me. Before dealing with whatever my physical ailment was (I had been going to doctors for close to a decade with no answers), I had to manufacture hope out of nothing.

I found that hope in the very center of my depression. In the most intense moments of despair I found that I could zero-in on the exact cause of pain. You’re probably thinking “yeah well, any idiot can tell you why you were depressed”. Hear me out.

In those most desperate lonely moments I found that I felt grief. I was literally grieving someone’s death. And the more I thought about it, I was grieving my own death.

That was the moment that changed my life. Because that realization led me to the following: I’m not dead. My life as I know it is over but *I* AM STILL ALIVE. And as long as I’m alive, there is hope. That changed the whole equation for me. I could hack my own thoughts. I could decide what my outlook is and how I felt about myself and the future and everything else.

Bettering yourself and your circumstances is NOT an undefined mystical endeavor. The tools exist and are legit.

I spent a total of 5 years in bed. Along with reading medical journals to diagnose and then treat myself, I practiced psychological tricks to stay sane, carry hope indefinitely, and stay motivated and resilient.

As I became more and more interested in psychology I realized that what I’d been doing all along is a medically proven method called cognitive restructuring.

Once I’d diagnosed myself, I developed a physical recovery routine (5 years in bed will fuck *everything* up) and started planning my new life. I had to overcome social re-integration, heavy anxiety, a new version of depression (heavy existential stuff that came with ending one life and starting another), decide on a future for myself, start dating (and finding my absolutely awesome girlfriend Sam), make friends, and create a job for myself (I was a new person and engineering no longer appealed to me).

I’ve regained my freedom, left behind stress and anxiety, I’m always (well, let’s not bring up politics) in a good mood and I find joy in the smallest corners of life. I’ve created a job for myself that I love and I’ve surrounded myself with good people. I have built my best life. And, it’s not because I stumbled upon some secret formula, spent a decade in spiritual pursuit, or relied on motivational platitudes.

It’s because of healthy mental and physical habits based on medically proven techniques (here are the reasons it works). And because of practical no bullshit problem solving. Working with a business coach to start my practice was the cherry on top.

If you’ve struggled to make improvements in your life, let’s chat.

Random personal stuff that you may or may not find interesting.

I have two cats, an absurd amount of model trains, and follow Formula 1 and the English Premiere League. Exercise is a daily thing. Some days I love it, some days I don’t and some days I’m just not up to it. But on average, it’s a daily thing.

Music is a constant in my life – both live and recorded and I go to concerts whenever I can. My tastes span across many genres and I’ve become too spoiled by streaming. I’m regularly creating the new bestest of them all playlist only to lose interest because perfection is impossible. Oh well, the music is still good so whatever.

I’m forever interested in tech, history, sociology, archeology, psychology, anthropology, equal rights, the environment.

If you’re interested in my professional background, take a look at my LinkedIn profile.