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Two ways to overcome fear

Way back in 1999 I was on a plane that did everything but crash. I swore that if I got off the damn thing, I would never fly again. It took me a long 14 years to get back on a plane but I did it 🙂

At this point everyone wants a secret easy overnight solution. There isn’t one and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of it. But, there is a solution. It requires some work but fortunately there are just 2 parts to it.

Fear comes from two potential places: the first (and more common) is simply fear of the unknown. The second, is fear based on past trauma. Luckily, the 2 parts to overcoming a fear are valid for both cases. They are:

First you want to learn as much as possible about the subject. Read about it, talk to people about it, watch videos, ask experts. Anything and everything that helps you lear more on the subject matter is valuable. The goal is to take as much mystery out of it as possible. The more we know about something, the less we are afraid of it. Yes it really is that simple. Educate yourself. Seek out and interact with subject matter experts.

I’ve always been interested in machines and especially airplanes so I know how they work. But, educating myself on all the little stuff (a particular sound a plane may make and why, a specific movement of the wing surfaces and the reason for it, a particular in-flight maneuver and the reason for it, etc.) brought me a new level of intimacy and understanding. And I started following (and joined the online group) of a highly respected professional pilot who specializes in helping people get over the fear of flying.

Second, you have to expose yourself to the source of fear in small manageable steps.

How did I get back on a plane? I regularly watched videos from inside airline cabins. Takeoffs, mid flight, landings, videos of the wings flexing, turbulence, etc. At first it seemed silly, sometimes anxiety causing and generally useless. Until…something started to change. First, the people posting these videos tend to be either pilots or people who like to travel. They LOVE flying. That happiness they associate with flying slowly started to permeate my thoughts.

Second, I noticed myself seeing the takeoffs as exciting beginnings to new destinations. At first I thought “ok, this is weird. Is it real? Am I actually thinking of – and getting excited about – flying? What the fuck is this dark magic?” No magic. I was exposing myself to the source of my fear and finding out that it’s not so scary. It might actually be pretty cool. Imagine the freedom of shedding a fear? Wow. Just wow.

Flying comes with particular difficulties – you can’t just ask for the plane to pull over and get out. So it’s difficult to expose yourself in small steps. Fortunately it turns out that flying lessons are relatively cheap so that’s what I did. Since I was the only paying “passenger” on a private flight, I could in fact decide if needed that it’s time to land so I can get off. So that’s what I did and I took flying lessons.

I’ll tell you a secret: I’m still not completely over the fear of flying. Long trips on commercial flights are still an issue. The next step will be virtual reality therapy. Afterwards I will take a short commercial flight with a supportive friend. One day, I’ll write an article from the Alps or the Mediterranean or who knows where. I’ll celebrate with a sweet treat.

Use these two ways to overcome fear and keep it simple. Educate yourself and expose yourself to the fear regularly and always keep in mind that “hey it’s ok to be scared, as long as I keep doing this, the fear will eventually lessen and perhaps even disappear.” There’s no guarantee that you’ll drop the fear and be free of it. But, you WILL be able to do the thing you’re scared to do. Remember, courage is not the lack of fear. Courage is being able to go forward despite the fear.