resources > worried about perceptions

Want to be less self-conscious?

We all want to be liked – it’s a basic survival instinct. For thousands of years, being alone could be deadly – predators, outlaws, starvation, etc. were all very real threats. So, belonging to a community was critical and the need to be liked/accepted is literally written in our genes.

A healthy dose of self-consciousness allows us to not be assholes and to be accepted in various social circles.

Unfortunately, this can get out of control and become debilitating as we start to question and parse everything we’ve said, how people responded, how they looked at us and we start creating negative narratives about ourselves.

However, these negative narratives are usually based on *our own* perceptions and the self-critic in our head rather than on reality. That means we can do something about it.

I used to be very self-conscious and worried about what others think of me. Until it dawned on me that the world doesn’t revolve around me! It was an incredibly freeing realization. Because here’s the thing:

We all live in our own heads and we’re all the star of the show. We spend the vast majority of our time thinking about…ourselves. We may spend a little time here and there thinking about (and yes, judging) others. But mostly we just think about ourselves.

How much time do you spend focused on your own stuff vs the time you spend focusing on others? A whole LOT!

Guess what? Everyone does this – they’re just like you. They’re not spending hours and days parsing every word that’s come out of someone’s mouth or every single thing we’ve done or not done. They’re not pouring over data analyzing others’ successes and failures.

They have their own stuff to deal with.

There’s also the fact that even if someone thinks negatively about you…well, that’s just their opinion. Are they the ultimate judge of everything and everyone? Of course not!

They have the right to their opinions of you just like you have the right to have your opinions about them. But their opinion is just that – an opinion. And just like there is no universal law that you should like everyone you come across, there’s no law that others should like you.

A second concept I made a conscious decision about that helped me tremendously was this: I know for a fact that I’m a decent human. I try my best to do good by others, I’m happy with my morals, and I never do anything to consciously hurt others. Therefore, anyone who chooses to judge me negatively is either uninformed or just someone who I will never like me no matter what. And that’s fine 🙂

Of course, there’s always room for improvement but as long as my (or your) basic ethics are intact, there isn’t much to be concerned with.

Don’t believe me? Be yourself for a month. See how it goes.