blog > How to gain confidence

Being confident is a product of 3 things:

• Feeling physically well
• A good state of mind
• Having accomplishments

Let’s focus on accomplishments and having a good state of mind (hint, they go hand in hand). Feeling physically well is addressed in this article.

At its core, confidence is a very simple “I can do this, there’s no problem. And if there is a problem, I can overcome it”.

Let’s break that down a bit further.  “I can do this” is a product of having previously done things. “If there’s a problem I can overcome it” is a product of having previously overcome problems.

I don’t know you but I bet you’ve done a lot of things and overcome a lot of problems in your life. Graduated from college? Raised kids? Cared for a parent? Completed a difficult work project? Overcome trauma? Persevered in the face of adversity or despite trauma? Worked multiple jobs because you had no choice? Did you take a test 4 times because you failed it the first 3? Yeah, that’s an accomplishment. What you accomplished is perseverance. I can go on with endless examples but you get the point.

Our biggest problem is that we don’t lean on our accomplishments. We leave them in the dust as if they’re meaningless. What a critical mistake.

Remind yourself of your accomplishments when you’re uncertain. It doesn’t matter how big or small they are. What matters is that you could have NOT done them. But guess what? You did. They are proof that *you can*. Remind yourself as often as needed.

The second big mistake we make is doing things that are guaranteed to knock our confidence. I’ll use myself as an example: I’ve adored music for as long as I can remember. A career in music would be perfect for me. Except, I have exactly zero musical talent. It doesn’t matter how hard I work at it, it will end in failure.

Imagine that, putting your heart and soul into something, working your butt off, and in the end you fail. Talk about a confidence hit.

Put your energy into things you’re good at. Identify jobs that will allow you to be at your best. Imagine starting every weekend thinking “I killed it this week. I rock”. That’s the start of a very good weekend.

And if you absolutely have to do something you’re not particularly good at, prepare. Prepare and prepare some more. And then prepare again. Prepare until you’re ready and go do it. The likelihood that you will succeed is high as long as you’re prepared. And think of the confidence boost from doing something you’re not good at and succeeding!

And if you don’t succeed right away, that’s cool. We rarely succeed at anything the first time around. How can we if we haven’t done the thing before. Go do it again using the learnings from last time. Repeat as needed. The first few times I was a guest on a podcast, I was nervous, sweaty, dry mouthed and blabbering all over the place. It was nerve wracking and a total suck.

But I kept doing them. And I sent them to my family and friends (the ones I trust will be honest with me) and asked them for feedback. Now I don’t worry about them. I come up with a general idea of what I want to talk about and go with the flow.

Confidence isn’t just a magic thing that some people have out of thin air. It’s a result of accomplishments. Never belittle or forget yours. Do the things you’re good at and prepare for the ones you’re not.