blog > A look at rejection

A practical look at rejection.
We’ve all experienced rejection. And none of us like it. But…should we really be bothered by it? I don’t think so. Hear me out:
Let’s start at the beginning. Social acceptance is wired into us. It’s genetic/evolutionary. For the vast majority of human existence being alone meant almost certain death. The world was a very dangerous place for us and there is safety in numbers (most animals live in herds/schools/groups/etc. for this very reason). Being socially unaccepted was literally a threat to our life.
So, our need to be accepted is incredibly strong. And naturally, rejection can feel crushing. But…and this is a big “but”…we no longer live in lives that teeter between life and death. Also, (be honest now) would you accept every single person you come across? To be a friend? A lover? Of course not! You’re rejecting them. And here’s the first problem: we have no problems rejecting others but make a big deal out of being rejected ourselves. It feels very hypocritical.
The second problem with being rejected is actually ourselves. It’s because we’re (usually) asking for acceptance from the wrong people. We have access to more people than ever through the internet and clubs and groups. We have the option to find “our” people. The people that will accept us.
Go find those people. Find your group. There are SO MANY people out there. Basic statistics dictate that there are plenty of people who will accept us. We just have to do the work to find them. Check out making friends as an adult for several examples on how to go about it. Yes, it’s work. Yes, it’s effort. Yes, there may be disappointment along the way. But IMO it’s worth it. Being alone is not.