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The critical key to affirmations
Affirmations are how we set ourselves up to overcome challenges. And the things we tell ourselves in order to affirm that we are <fill in the blank with a good positive thing>. But do we believe them? Are they effective?
Affirmations are the potato chips of the self help world. Everybody’s consuming them and feeling pretty good about it. Cool. Except for one problem.
Nobody’s talking about the fact that affirmations are only effective when based on facts. Here’s what I mean:
If I keep repeating to myself “I am strong”, I don’t honestly believe it. Because I know that I’m just repeating a “thing” in order to feel better about myself. It’s too convoluted and conceptual. There’s nothing real for me to attach it to.
What if I say to myself “today is my day” or “this job is mine”. These are useless because they’re based on things completely out of my control. They depend on the whole world bending to my will to deliver whatever I want. If it was that easy we’d all be happy and successful already. Here’s the thing: if you think it’s your lucky day, just go ahead and play the lottery and be set for life.
The *right* way to do affirmations is to use them to undo negative thoughts or behaviors and enforce positive ones.
Affirmations are THE tool for cognitive reframing. The way the brain works is, when we think of something it’s like a small stream. The more we repeat it, the wider and stronger the stream becomes until it’s a raging river. It’s very powerful and we can’t get out of it. And even worse, it doesn’t matter if the thought is correct/valid/true or not. We can’t escape because it’s too powerful.
The way we undo the negative is by substituting that particular thought pattern with a different one. But, it takes time. And you *have* to be consistent.
It works like this: every time a negative thought comes up, we follow it up with a positive one. For example “I’m not good enough” -> “I *am* strong enough”. The follow up thought (“I am good enough”) is the affirmation. Easy right? Not so fast. Because at this point we’re still just saying a thing for the sake of saying a thing because everyone tells us that if say this thing all will be good. And we don’t really believe it.
Affirmations don’t work unless they’re believable.
So, if I add the word “because” and use facts from my own life, things become very different. Here’s an example: “I am strong *because* I made it through xyz trauma.” What I’ve done here is give indisputable factual evidence for why I am “strong”. Not only does the affirmation become real, it becomes meaningful. No matter what I think or feel, I *did* make it through that trauma. I really AM strong.
Are you wondering if you’re good enough for a job? Try “I deserve to be here *because* I’ve completed projects A,B,C, etc.” Or, “I’ve received raises, promotions, etc”. Or, “I studied this extensively at school. I may not have the practical experience yet but I know the basics.” Or “inn the past I’ve been recognized for my performance”.
So, make your affirmations something you have control over, add the “because”, and back it up with facts. And if your affirmations don’t fit the “becauses” in your life, find affirmations that do. For example, if I say to myself “I’m the greatest sea captain” it’s not going to work. Because I know nothing of captaining a ship.
“Because” followed by facts from our own lives are the key to affirmations being a powerful tool.
Genuine affirmations are THE tool for substituting negative thought patterns with positive ones. They are THE tool that changes how we see ourselves and our lives. They are THE tool for making positive change and taking control of our circumstances.